just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
