We're facebook friends in real life
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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