That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
