you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize