I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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