I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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