At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
