I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its not stalking. its research.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
