We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
