I skipped work to stalk him.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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