he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
