i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
