What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
