he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize