Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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