She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
