Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
