my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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