he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
