I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
tell me about the fingering
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