You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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