i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Two words: blizzard sex
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
