can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
