Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
