If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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