Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she woke up with a sticky ear
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
