The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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