Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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