o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize