Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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