You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Houston, we have a blender
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
