Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
