you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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