you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
