True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
