You're my little dorito
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
