I'm lost and stupid without you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
