Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
