you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
