smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
