just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize