The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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