Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
