She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
