FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
