for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are a genius and a whore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
