we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
