I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
