Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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