she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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