im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drake has all the answers
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
