I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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