Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
