he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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