Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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