I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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