I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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