Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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