i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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