the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
