I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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