You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
