i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
