Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
