She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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