I hope mine doesn't look like that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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