My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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