a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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