So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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