he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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