new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
