my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
