I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need to get me chipped asap
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
