Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
