I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
