two words...techno handjob
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
