i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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