I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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