my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
